When B was
born I had decided to breast feed exclusively. This was a decision I made based
on what was best for her and the family as a whole. It was the best nutrition I
could give her and it would save us a ton of money! The first day in the
hospital went very well, putting aside the pain my breasts themselves were in.
She was getting the colostrum she needed and things were flowing. I
thought our baby girl was the definition of health as far as a newborn was
concerned, and I hadn’t been told otherwise.
The morning after she was born the
pediatrician, Dr. Sindelar, came in to assess her health. He informed us
that she was jaundice, which seems to be fairly common among full term
newborns, and also had a heart murmur. He explained to us some of the reasons
why and how a newborn would have a murmur, and referred us to Children’s
Hospital for an echocardiogram right away. So at noon on Tuesday we were
discharged early and made the trip to Children’s Hospital. During the echo, the
nurse didn’t say a word to us, and it upset both of us pretty bad. It had
already been a long 24 hours as new parents.
When we finally got her home she
was sleeping a lot and was pretty yellow in color. Our first night home
was pretty rough and when she was awake she was crying and I couldn’t seem to
help anything, not with feeding , swaddling, or anything in-between. We were to
see Dr. Sindelar the next day to discuss the results of the echo and check her
bilirubin levels as well.
When we went in, they checked her weight. She was only
just over 48 hours old and she had lost just less than a pound. Now, with
newborns they do tend to lose about 10 percent of their weight, but it’s
usually over the first week, not the first couple days. Her bilirubin levels
had also increased to the point that we were fairly certain she would need to
be under the glow light for a while. We came to the conclusion that I had
stopped producing colostrum/milk and she had not eaten for approximately 24
hours.The stress of her heart murmur, being discharged a day early, and being a
new mom with no direction stopped my milk production and I had no idea.
That
night we went home and fed her some formula and she was the happiest I had seen
her since I brought her into this world and it warmed my heart. He recommended I
start pumping to help encourage my milk supply to come in.I was pretty
discouraged I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed, so I called the lactation
consultant that we were supposed to meet with in the hospital before we were
discharged. I walked in to her office and she asked me to undress Brinley and I
and we would weigh her before and after feeding. I mentioned to her that I
wasn’t producing anything and literally at that moment my breasts became
engorged and by the grace of God, there was my milk! It was a wonderful feeling
to know I was producing and could feed my baby.The next week went great, I was
feeling better and so was Brinley.
Unfortunately at the end of the week I got
mastitis. I wasn’t able to bring her to the boob and was pumping exclusively.
My hormones were altered yet again and I stopped producing once more. With not
having my full milk supply in, I needed the action of her on the boob to keep
the hormones flowing. So yet again I was introducing formula back into her
diet. And yet again the stress of figuring this out was not helping my milk
production at all.I had finally broke down and called my lactation consultant.
She told me to keep putting her on the boob and then formula feeding after to
top her off. I was then pumping for 2 one hour sessions during the day through
the weekend. I did and it seemed to stay about the same, I would pump and only
get about a half an ounce at a time and was still giving her about a 3 oz.
bottle. On Tuesday I decided the stress of it all wasn’t good for her or me.
They say “happy momma, happy baby”, and it was true. I have had some guilt
about her not getting more than 1 months worth of my milk. That feeling has
subsided a little, but I did a lot of it my way, and it wasn’t working. I am
determined to breastfeed our second, and I’m sure that knowing what I now know
will help me with the process.
Through it all my husband was so supportive. He
encouraged me all the way and never gave up even when I wanted to the most.
Clint and I have grown so much throughout the past year. Through loss and life,
he is my best friend.
